Ask what applies in each situation
As a newcomer to the Netherlands, agree on visit times and ask how shared costs will be split. Follow the host's lead on greetings. Say what you prefer. Customs vary between families, social groups, regions, generations and workplaces. When you are unsure about a visit, birthday treat or work event, ask the host, teacher or colleague what they expect.
Social customs can differ with your social group, region, generation and social or economic background. The official KNM (Kennis van de Nederlandse Maatschappij, knowledge of Dutch society) learning goals (External site, opens in a new tab) explain this under omgangsvormen, waarden en normen (social customs, values and norms). They focus on finding out what applies in each situation. For the exam topics, see the KNM topics article.
Check what applies in each situation
Use these checks when you meet a new household, group, team or school. The patterns below are examples; ask what applies where you are.
You can scroll wide tables sideways.
| Situation | Pattern you may meet | Safe action |
|---|---|---|
| A visit | A date and time agreed in advance | Confirm the start time and whether food or a fixed end time is part of the invitation. |
| A birthday | Congratulations for relatives, circle seating or different greeting styles | Greet the host and birthday person. Follow their lead. Ask before a hug or kiss. |
| A shared bill | One person pays and sends a betaalverzoek (payment request) | Confirm your share. Check the recipient and amount. Ask when to pay. |
| A work event | A borrel (informal drinks gathering), direct feedback or a short reply | Ask what the team normally does. Ask which action or deadline the speaker means. |
| A school birthday | A traktatie (birthday treat) or a celebration without food | Check the school's policy and allergies before buying anything. |
Confirm visit and birthday plans
Agree on the visit time and what is included
The KNM learning goals say that many people value advance appointments, arriving on time and cancelling in time. Agree on an exact time. Send a message if you will be late or cannot come. How far ahead to plan, or how much a short delay matters, depends on the relationship and appointment. Ask the other person what suits them.
An invitation for coffee can leave food and the end time unclear. Ask: 'Should I eat before I come?' or 'Until what time does it suit you?' If you invite someone, say whether you offer coffee, lunch or dinner. Ask about dietary needs too.
Greet the birthday person and follow the host
At some birthday visits, guests congratulate relatives or other guests as well as the birthday person. They may sit together in a circle. The Hague International Centre's social-customs guide (External site, opens in a new tab) describes these examples. Other households have different customs. Greet the host and birthday person first, then follow their lead. Someone may offer you a hug or cheek kiss. Say if you prefer a wave or handshake. Ask before physical contact when their preference is unclear.
Birthday treats at school and work also vary. Voedingscentrum (Netherlands Nutrition Centre) (External site, opens in a new tab) says schools may have a food policy. Some celebrate without treats. Ask the teacher or team before bringing food. Check rules, allergies, diets, religious food requirements and cost. The Dutch school system guide explains where to find a school's own rules.
Agree on shared costs and clarify direct replies
A group may pay separately at the restaurant. Alternatively, one person may pay and send payment links later. Agree on the method with the group before or just after ordering. Ask: 'Are we paying separately?' If a request arrives, check the sender and amount. Confirm what the request covers. Pay by the agreed time. If you agreed no deadline, ask the sender for a payment date. Alternatively, tell them when you can pay.
Check what a short or direct answer means
The KNM goals say that many people in the Netherlands may express themselves directly. Tone, the speaker's role and the situation still matter: a short 'no' may be neutral or harsh. At work, ask what needs to change. Ask who should do it. Confirm the deadline. You can question disrespectful wording. For example: 'I understand the feedback, but I found that wording too harsh.'
Resolve neighbour noise safely
For neighbour noise, check your rental contract, building rules and gemeente (municipality) guidance for local quiet hours and reporting routes. Before a party or noisy work, tell neighbours the date, expected end time and how to reach you. If speaking to someone would put you at risk, contact a service below instead.
You can also introduce yourself to your nearby neighbours.
For ongoing nuisance, follow the Rijksoverheid (Dutch government) neighbour-nuisance advice (External site, opens in a new tab). Use the first step only if it is safe to speak to the neighbour.
- Try to agree with your neighbour on what needs to change, such as when loud music should stop.
- If agreements fail, ask your landlord or housing corporation for help with serious nuisance. If you own a flat, ask your vereniging van eigenaars (VvE, owners' association).
- If the nuisance continues, contact your gemeente, buurtbemiddeling (neighbourhood mediation) or police.
Call 112 for urgent danger or a crime in progress (External site, opens in a new tab). For police help without an emergency, call 0900-8844.
Check holiday dates and time off
Your collectieve arbeidsovereenkomst (CAO, collective labour agreement) or employment contract determines whether you have a day off on a public holiday. Rijksoverheid's official public-holiday list (External site, opens in a new tab) explains that there is no automatic legal right to time off. Check your contract and roster.
You can scroll wide tables sideways.
| Day | Status | What to check or do |
|---|---|---|
| Koningsdag (King's Day), normally 27 April | Official holiday | Check municipal events, transport changes and rules for a vrijmarkt (street market). Participation is optional. |
| Dodenherdenking (Remembrance Day), 4 May | Not an official holiday | At 20:00, national and local ceremonies observe two minutes of silence. Be quiet if you are nearby or taking part. |
| Bevrijdingsdag (Liberation Day), 5 May | Official holiday | Check your CAO or contract for a day off and your municipality for local events. |
| Pakjesavond (gift evening), 5 December, during Sinterklaas (the Dutch Saint Nicholas celebration) | Not an official holiday | Household and school customs vary. Ask about gifts, food and the schedule instead of assuming. |
Koningsdag dates and royal visits (External site, opens in a new tab) follow a set pattern. The date is normally 27 April. When the 27th falls on a Sunday, celebrations move to 26 April. The royal family visits one municipality. Before travelling or selling anything, check your municipality's current events, road closures and market rules. You can choose whether to join parties, visit street markets or wear orange.
On 4 May, people observe two minutes of silence at 20:00 during national and local commemorations (External site, opens in a new tab). If you are near a ceremony, stop talking and follow the organisers' directions.
On 5 May, Bevrijdingsdag celebrations (External site, opens in a new tab) mark freedom, democracy and human rights.
Some families mark Sinterklaas with an arrival event, a shoe, presents or poems around 5 December. The Hague International Centre's Sinterklaas examples (External site, opens in a new tab) describe these customs. Other households do less, celebrate differently or choose not to take part. Ask the host what they have planned. If your school marks the day, ask about its activities too. For work and school schedules, check your contract, roster or school calendar: 5 December is not an official holiday.
Ask how your team works
Your workplace sets rules for working hours, communication and conduct. Ask your manager or a colleague about first names, lunch length, feedback and social events. A borrel can help you meet colleagues. Check whether the event is optional or part of work. Say if you prefer an alcohol-free drink. Follow workplace conduct rules even when the atmosphere feels informal.
Check when your colleagues work before planning a meeting. Centraal Bureau voor de Statistiek (CBS, Statistics Netherlands) (External site, opens in a new tab) counted 4.8 million part-time workers among 9.8 million Netherlands residents aged 15–74 with paid work in the second quarter of 2026. A colleague's days off can vary; ask rather than assuming they are off on Friday. Check response expectations and meeting availability too. For employment terms, see the Dutch employment contracts guide.
Ask about language and share public space
Ask about language before an official, medical or legal conversation: 'Is English okay?' If you want to practise Dutch, say 'Ik wil graag Nederlands oefenen' (I would like to practise Dutch). A person who switches to English may be trying to help. You can ask to continue in Dutch. Arrange an interpreter when accurate communication or access requires one. Ask the service how to arrange one.
In public space, follow signs and markings. Pedestrian road-use rules (External site, opens in a new tab) require you to use the pavement or footpath where one is available. If neither is available, use an available cycle path. Look both ways before crossing a cycle path. The bike guide explains the signs and rules.
Give passengers room to leave before you board a train, tram or metro. NS (Dutch Railways) boarding advice (External site, opens in a new tab) gives this instruction for trains. HTM (The Hague tram and bus operator) travel advice (External site, opens in a new tab) gives it for trams and buses in The Hague region. The public transport guide explains how to pay and travel.
Clear up a misunderstanding
If a plan, greeting, bill or reply is unclear, ask about that detail. You can adapt these examples to the situation.
You can scroll wide tables sideways.
| Situation | Say or do now | Why it helps |
|---|---|---|
| You arrived without checking | 'Sorry, I should have checked first. When would suit you?' | It gives the other person a chance to suggest a time. |
| The greeting is unclear | Offer a wave or hand and ask, 'How do you greet here?' | It gives everyone a choice about physical contact. |
| The bill is unclear | 'What amount do I owe, and when do you need it?' | It confirms both the amount and the deadline. |
| Feedback sounded harsh | Confirm the task. Ask for an example. Say if the wording crossed a boundary. | It separates useful information from unacceptable tone. |
| You will be late | Send your new arrival time. Ask whether another time would suit the other person better. | It gives the other person a practical choice. |
For a visit or birthday, confirm the time and ask about food and greetings. For a shared bill, confirm the amount and payment date. At work, check the task, deadline and team rules. If a misunderstanding remains, name the unclear detail and say what you need.
For related questions, use these pages:
- Author
- By Inburgering.org team
- Reviewer
- Reviewed by Kirill Svavolia
Official Sources
- Staatscourant (Dutch government gazette) 2024, 15802: KNM learning goals (External site, opens in a new tab) - that social customs can differ by social group, region, generation and socioeconomic group, and that many people value advance appointments, punctuality and timely cancellation
- Rijksoverheid: Official public holidays in the Netherlands (External site, opens in a new tab) - the official holiday dates for 2026 and 2027, and that an official holiday is not automatically a statutory day off for employees
- Koninklijk Huis (Royal House of the Netherlands): King's Day (External site, opens in a new tab) - that King's Day is normally 27 April, moves to 26 April when the 27th is a Sunday, and includes a royal visit to one municipality
- The Hague International Centre: Important dates and holidays in 2026 (External site, opens in a new tab) - examples of Sinterklaas customs some households may mark, including the arrival period, shoes, presents and poems around 5 December
- Nationaal Comité 4 en 5 mei (National Committee for 4 and 5 May): 4 May (External site, opens in a new tab) - the national and local commemorations on 4 May and the two minutes of silence at 20:00
- Rijksoverheid: Liberation Day on 5 May (External site, opens in a new tab) - that Liberation Day is always 5 May and marks freedom, democracy and human rights
- Rijksoverheid: What should I do about neighbour nuisance? (External site, opens in a new tab) - the official route from making agreements with a neighbour to contacting a landlord, owners' association, municipality, mediator or police
- Rijksoverheid: When can I call 112? (External site, opens in a new tab) - that 112 is for urgent danger and crimes in progress, while 0900-8844 is the police number for non-emergencies
- Centraal Bureau voor de Statistiek: People in work (External site, opens in a new tab) - that 4.8 million of the 9.8 million Netherlands residents aged 15–74 with paid work worked part-time in the second quarter of 2026
- Voedingscentrum: From birthday treats to a celebration policy at primary school (External site, opens in a new tab) - that schools may set their own birthday-food policy and that some replace treats with a celebration without food
- The Hague International Centre: Dutch way of living (External site, opens in a new tab) - examples of birthday circle seating, congratulations and greeting styles; the meaning of borrel; asking to continue a conversation in Dutch
- Staatscourant 2025, 1667: Pedestrian road-use rules (External site, opens in a new tab) - the pavement and footpath rule and the cycle-path exception when neither is available, listed under Article 4 of the traffic regulations
- NS: Give passengers room to leave (External site, opens in a new tab) - advice to let passengers leave the train before boarding
- HTM: Travelling by tram or bus for the first time (External site, opens in a new tab) - advice to let passengers leave before boarding a tram or bus in The Hague region
- Reglement verkeersregels en verkeerstekens 1990 (RVV 1990, traffic rules): Article 4 (law text file) (External site, opens in a new tab) - the current pavement and footpath rule and the cycle-path exception when neither is available
- Nationaal Comité 4 en 5 mei: National commemoration on Dam Square (External site, opens in a new tab) - that the commemoration starts before the two minutes of silence at 20:00
- CBS: Labour force population definition (External site, opens in a new tab) - that the labour force figures cover residents aged 15–74, excluding people in institutions